Negotiations vs Compromise

Compromise is good. We’ve all been taught to compromise, to give in, to not be stubborn. The problem with compromise, however, is that it’s just that…giving in. When we give in, we rarely feel satisfied. We may feel noble; we may feel that we’ve played fair; we’ve been reasonable and good, but we rarely feel satisfied. We feel that the solution was not necessarily the best solution; that somehow it was the other person’s solution…not ours. During the course of marriage, rarely are there perfect compromises. Usually one spouse gives in; then the next time the other spouse gives in. Over time it looks as if the couple is relating well; but repeated compromise, based on taking turns giving in, is frustrating. This type of sparring results in a win-lose situation.

Negotiation, on the other hand, is more creative. When done correctly, neither partner feels cheated, and it becomes a win-win situation. In negotiating, two people work to come up with alternative solutions, eg, I look at your way, you look at my way, then we come with a new way that suits us both…making it our way. This process generally produces a more fulfilling solution for both parties. Negotiating is an interactive process that brings married couples together in a non-combative way. It demands that the best creative efforts come forth from both sides. Most of all, it encourages a team approach by which a couple can express their love and concern for each other.
Granted, this may be a new strategy, but if you and your spouse love each other, this method is at least worth considering.