Fight -vs- Flight

In life, there are givers and there are takers. The takers seem to be antagonistic (in your face) natured; and not content unless they are in strife. Givers, on the other hand are the peacemakers; always striving for harmony. Consequently, most conflicts come from the takers, and in dealing/not dealing with them on an adult level. Anger-fight and fear-flight actually hinders our coping mechanisms. When you become angry or afraid, your primitive lower brain centers shut down normal operations...often resulting in immature, child-like behaviors. Also, the blood supply is substantially rerouted away from your brain and gut, to your skeletal muscles to prepare for the assault. The problem solving brain is inhibited from processing valid information when you get angry or afraid; therefore you simply don't think clearly.

Typically, one partner or the other holds many "hidden agendas" against the other. The anger may be 1) categorically denied; 2) repressed; or 3) expressed in rage...due to past hurts. In a typical relationship (including marriage), one of the partners tends to exhibit anger more than the other, and generally manipulates and/or controls the passive mate.

Often the "angry partner" utilizes sex as a means of punishment/reward. In other words, when/if things are going well, sex is more frequent than when things are not going well. This is usually accomplished by merely shutting down their desires for the "less than desirable mate." Not necessarily out of fear, or even dislike, rather due to 1) unexpressed anger; or 2) transference from a prior unresolved hurt. The withdrawing partner not only withdraws in bed, but also in all forms of intimate contact and sharing. Consequently, over time, as resentment and dislike builds, the frequency of and interest in intimacy virtually shuts down. The "dominant mate" then begins to find fault in numerous areas of the "passive mates" behavior, lifestyle, and/or personality. A one time thriving relationship first begins to get lukewarm; then finally cold.
In most relationships that reach this level, there is no turning it around, as the angry mate gives out signals of unhappiness and a desire to be rid of the passive mate...and into the arms of another "hero."

Those that know me know that I've always been inclined to take flight over fighting. I've never been known to be aggressive or an abuser. Rather, when I'm subjected to aggressive behavior, I take flight if at all possible. This is not because I am a coward or a weak man...I am not! Rather, the alternative is fighting, which can lead to regrettable violence and potential legal ramifications...plus it feeds into the aggressor's ego. Furthermore, I refuse to participate in the abuse of another at the aggressor's request...how deplorable this is. I have never, and will never choose fight over flight, unless of course my personal safety is at risk. When I'm being provoked, mentally abused, or antagonized, I exercise my personal right to walk away, seeking a time out. Life, as I've come to know it, is about choices - mine will be to take flight.